Hi Alaska and I am sorry for your situation.
My ex was also a binge drinker and a really nasty one at that. However when he was sober he could be the sweetest person, I say could be because eventually even when he was sober he was nasty, but for some reason I cling to the nice parts.
I left eventually and have only recently fully cut contact and it is literally heartbreaking but I have to remind myself that even as a binge drinker I can't live a life where I am constantly waiting for the next drunken tornado to hit, walking on eggshells around him so as not to upset him and be used as the reason he drank.
Even as a binge drinker I don't think it will get better without real commitment to recovery. My ex told me that at one point he had been sober for over a year, held down a job and lived what would be to all intensive purposes a 'normal' life. But he went back to drinking- and yes part if me blames myself for entering into a relationship with him when he clearly wasn't ready for the stress of it and that pushed him back over the edge but I also realise that HE needed to do more to control the drinking and although he told me he has tried this and that before he never stuck to anything so therefore will he ever remain sober for life? Maybe he will be sober now I'm not with him and he doesn't have the additional 'stress' of the relationship- idk but I do know from what I have learned that they need to commit to a proper recovery to maintain this and change their way of life and their thinking and this in itself is a long and hard road.
I also know that whether it is someone who drinks everyday or a binge drinker it is not a healthy place to be in and a healthy person to be around and try and make a life. The painful truth is that like you say you maybe have to accept it is what it is or leave
- because you do deserve better.
You shouldn't scold yourself for not leaving, if it was that easy to walk away and just get over it we wouldn't all be on this forum. It's harder when there are children involved which luckily wasn't the case for me.
I stayed or went back again and again and again, as I am sure many others did. I convinced myself that the nice bits were worth it and hoped that he would just finally see the light and stop for good. I am heartbroken that I no longer am with him despite all the terrible things he said and did and I am suffering from major anxiety, but hopefully this is short term in comparison to the long term anxiety I would suffer at living with an active alcoholic- daily drinker or binge drinker.
It is so very sad how this disease affects peoples lives, and as only he can decide when enough is enough with the alcohol, only you can decide when enough is enough with him, and all I can send to you is the strength and clarity to make that decision.
I almost feel like the decision to go no contact and end it was taken out of my hands as I was given an ultimatum by my family that I can't live with a relative or any of them while I continue to be in contact with him as it was destroying me and them. I guess I didn't have the strength to make that decision but I have to have the strength to maintain the no contact every day.
I hope that you can find the strength for you and your children to do what you think is right and will give you and your kids a happy life.