So much great advice above I don't have much to add.
I am in the process of separating from my AH it's taken me a long time to get this far.
We have three beautiful children and I am moving forward for myself and for them.
I too went through many stages of thinking it's not that bad...but believe me now I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I realise it WAS a very bad situation.
It is a very bad situation.
It drags you done into the spiral of mess and you feel it is you that is going mad. I felt I was the one being unreasonable and not accepting him the way he was.
I know now the kindest thing I can do for my AH is to get out of his way.
Take baby steps and you will eventually know what is best for you.
My aH is also functioning and still working etc but we don't see the nice kind loving person I married any more.
What I see is a rude abusive drunk nasty person in his place. The verbal abuse has upped several notches in recent months and I have jumped off the merry go round as none of this is acceptable to me.
I will no longer allow myself to be dragged into his mess. My children need to know this is not ok.
With the support from SR. And Al Anon I am moving forward. It sucks every step of the way but day by day and step by step I am getting there.
And I know I am going to be ok.
Take care and keep coming back. It really helps with the wise advice from so many. Phiz