Alaska...there is a book that I highly recommend to you. "The Saber-toothed Tiger".
It answers the question of why a person "can't" leave a relationship that they "know" is damaging to them. It goes straight to the essence of the problem, and I believe that it will really resonate with you. You can get it, used, very cheap on amazon.com.
You do have a right to be happy, you know. You don't have to go by other people's standards of what happiness is. If you try to..you will never find your personal satisfaction and happiness.
I think that, sometimes, what holds us back is really the deep fears within ourselves that we are afraid to admit to ourselves. Once we are able to drag those fears out of the darkness and "cobwebs" and kick them, one by one, in the ass, the world starts to look different. I know it did for me....
dandylion