I was where you are just about a year ago. I just stopped "being" to him and started "being" to myself. I am a great mom, a great business owner, and a great person. I owe it to my children to not teach them this ugly cycle -- divorce or not. I would rather teach them self respect and their importance as a human being moreso than how to "handle" my AH. That only teaches them, well, to continue the cycle I so hate. My AH has to choose-- manage his disease with family intact or not manage his disease alone. There are no other options.
You cannot will your marriage to stay together. Marriage, as all relationships, require the participation of two people. Addictive personality requires the actions of another to perpetuate the cycle. When you step away as an active participant there are only two actions that the addict can choose -- same or different.
I hurt for you as I remember what those feelings felt like. I also know that you deserve your own happiness in this life as you only have one swing around the horn as well. PM me if you want to talk. Good luck!