Dear Ch1
I used to suffer under the delusion that things would be just great between me and my ex if he just quit drinking.
There is a lot more to addiction than just the substance.
I can tell from your post that you are seeing new "red flags," especially not being on the visitors' list at her facility.
I can see why some programs recommend that the addict be sober and work their program for a year before we contemplate seeing them. Even then, it is extremely risky.
The only advice I can give you, is, get into AlAnon and work your program for all it's worth. And, keep coming back here for support.