Such beautiful words at 60 days G! Loved it!
Back from the movie. Pretty powerful. Just kinda sitting with it.
The guy I went to see the movie with is my best friend's husband. I'm trying so hard, guys, but I cannot stand this dude. The way I get spun out by him... So frustrating.
My sponsor says "If it's hysterical it is likely historical." I always take that to mean that if my reaction is severe, it probably has more to do with the past than the present moment. I think that's true for me in this instance.
Feel like sharing this so just going to step out on the ledge here and hope for the best:
I was a missionary in S. Africa for years. I was part of a fundamentalist church, Pentacostal. I wasn't raised in this church, I found it at the age of 18. And I was all in!
A much too long for right now series of events happened and I was publicly disfellowshipped. Shunned. It was due to being LGBT. It was devastating. I lost my job, my friends, my faith. The minister prayed a prayer that I would be handed over to Satan that I would suffer much in this life and may return to God. Shattered me.
I have gradually rebuilt much of this and have reconciled much of what happened with my current life. I have my own faith, I have worked through much of that rejection. I do harbor a ton of resentment against a bunch of those folks, but that is getting better with time.
Enter the dude I hung out with today. His relationship with my best friend was a whirlwind. They married within months of dating. I officiated their ceremony. He is a Christian of the variety I experienced shunning from. He assured me that he does not believe as the church who disfellowshipped me believes (gay=hell). I believed him.
Then he married my best friend and things changed. He has done and said some pretty rough stuff in relation to me. I am a peacemaker and keeper so I have overlooked most of it. Now, though, it is getting tough. He makes statements that are condescending and pretty ignorant. Post movie today he launched into a lecture type talk about a very minor moment in the movie in which one soldier is teasing another about being gay. It was a funny moment. It didn't offend me... He, though, felt the need to basically lecture me on the different types of people in the world. So weird. I couldn't get away fast enough.
It's like he has to bring up something about LGBT anytime we are together and just let me know where he stands. He's pretty dominating and it spins me out.
Anyway, I honestly wanted a drink after this so thought I needed to get all that out. There's a lot of resentment on my end toward him and I keep sweeping it under the carpet when in reality it is just eating at me.
Blah. Blech... Forgive the rant. And hopefully I didn't over share...
Love,
Dax