LeeCheo

Thanks to all that welcomed me -- yes, I still work an AlAnon program, truely. Some days I work it better than others...

I think my frustration occurs -- and I've been experiencing it for some time, when I feel like I am in recovery alone. Well do I know that this is a family disease - I had a rather traumatic childhood and was in ACOA long before my AH went to rehab 5 years ago. The trauma didnt end with my father's sobriety, but I thankfully gained a lot of tools to protect and take care of myself. I certainly need to be reminded to use them. The alcoholism in my marriage was kind of like the Claudia Black book "It will never happen to me" ;-) although I did not end up being the alcoholic -- just the co-dependent ;-)

I am a fixer, a do-gooder, a people pleaser, for sure... But I'm also loyal to a fault -- and am contemplating whether that's working against me now.
Al-Anon & ACOA help me. But working my program doesnt fill the void of a lost husband, a lost friend, a lost partner...

Human"ness" is to react -- I try not to -- but its awfully hard to get kids ready for school, deal with a full day of work, do afterschool and dinner and homework -- alone. Because Daddy just doesnt feel like dealing with life today... or yesterday.. or the day before. I have respect for the work done to get sober -- but I have been losing respect for the lack of effort in day-to-day recovery. Life is hard -- I dont know anyone who has it easy -- and many are not alcoholics, but dealing with cancer, grief, whatever... Hell, I feel like I aint had it easy -- but life goes on, I try to think of a bad day as just that - a bad day -- and get up and try all over again.... When I lose the ability to do that - I scare myself ;-) - and thus, I contemplate -- and try not to isolate -- hence - I'm here....

thanks again