Great thoughts PK, really enjoyed reading your thoughtful response!
Haennie, you mentioned professional guilt and how hard it can be for you. In my case, the guilt and depression surrounding my career hit me so hard that it paved the route to full-blown alcoholism. The way I dealt with my feelings was to start pissing my life away on purpose. In the end, it was my inability to process/bypass guilt that almost killed me during my darkest days. Yeeps.
Your projects are probably being scrutinized because you are a huge piece of the puzzle. Your thoughts, ideas, and actions mean something to those folks. It's a rare thing, most people never get to feel that sense of being so essential. Sometimes that's hard - because everyone in your shoes is going to also get some constructive criticism along the way. Comes with the territory. And it sounds like you're processing it pretty well. Getting your feelings out there and talking about it is really helpful, even if it's just online or on paper.
It's easier said than done, but don't be so hard on yourself. Starting by forgiving yourself is a great idea, because in the end it doesn't matter whether you're right or wrong about how much effort you put into the project. I always felt that there were two people inside me, debating which type of terrible person I was. Was I a slacker? A dummy? Or a coward? As you can imagine, settling on one of these options wasn't particularly helpful. One cool thing about getting sober has been the ability to manage my depression with a rational mind, and I think your post shows that you're also able to process this type of stuff in a healthy way. Lots of positives!