Hi Jamie - welcome
My experience is something you probably don't want to hear but I believe once you start blacking out when drinking, there's no way back from that.
God knows I tried.
The good news is your life doesn't end if you were to quit drinking. There's lots of us here, all kinds of people, all ages.
There will be changes, and it will be a little difficult initially but really no harder than trying to avoid the consequences of drinking and blackouts.
I love my life now and I love who I am
I could never say that when I was drinking.
D