Hi Jamie,
My experience, all I can speak of, is that I'm an alcoholic. My drinking progressed over the decades. I blacked out, said vile horrible things to my husband , and then had no clue in the morning. This was at THE END...though it probably dragged on for waaay to long.
IDK why for certain, but I had a moment of 'clarity' , my entire being just shut down ...NO MORE! I went To get help with detoxing and then into a women's rehab.
I totally accept I'm an alcoholic ...no moderation ( tried that for what seems a lifetime) As one, I am not content with even a bottle of wine! My goal each night,at the end,was to drink till I passed out. Period. Fun? Party? LONG GONE. AA is my sober home, as is the family I found here on SR. I come every night . Why don't you stick around too?
Your life can get better.
Bobbi