New here
Seems like there are a lot of good people here. I could really use some advice. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or that my life is horrible, because it's not. I've just ran out of ways to cope and try to understand the situation I've put myself in....I've been married for a little over a year. I love my husband very much. While we were dating, he was an over the road trucker. He was gone a lot, but we would talk all the time. I fell in love. We decided to go on the truck together for 6 months. I figured, if I could live in that close of space with him for that long, he must be "the one". It was amazing, traveling coast to coast, we really got to know each other...or so I thought. On our wedding night, we went to an after party. We both were drunk, but he got abusive. Calling me horrible names and shoving me off of the bed. On our wedding night. I don't think I've ever forgiven him for that. He apologized of course, and things were really great for a few months. Then another episode, we were at a festival and he was drinking all day. He got upset because I called him out being drunk, and he poured his beer all over me in front of a crowd of people, shoving his middle finger in my face, he again called me horrible names. I was so heart broken. The next morning, he of course apologized and swore it would never happen again. He got sober for 2 months. Then it happened again and I had to call the police bc he sexually assaulted me. Again with the apologies. This was about 4 months ago, he's been sober since. But when I came home from work tonight he was drunk. Sloppy, falling over drunk. I tried to ignore him but he took offense to that and started fighting. I locked myself in the spare room. He broke the door down to "apologize". I had to leave, so now I'm at my parents house, upset and embarrassed. I don't know what to do. I want to believe he will get better, that he will never treat me like that again. If he loved me he would stop. The worst pat of it is, I have been so naive, I've been making plans to spend the rest of my life with him, hoping and praying things will get better. Next month we close on our new house. I'm too ashamed and embarrassed and scared to say anything to anyone else so that's why I'm writing here. Sorry it's so long. I needed to rant....