Welcome to SR, buggirl--I can't say I have any experience w/the situation you describe, altho I'm sure others here do.
Have you considered trying Alanon as a source of support and education about alcoholism for yourself? Would your husband try a few meetings w/you? That could be something that could help you get on the same page, I think.
It's possible that your hub doesn't know much about alcoholism and addiction in general, and hence he is acting this way, thinking he's helping when in fact he's doing the opposite. It might be useful for both of you to read this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I guess a lot of it depends on how open your hub is to getting some education and possibly looking at things from a different viewpoint. For everyone's sake, I hope he's an open-minded guy!
Best wishes, whatever ends up happening--and hang around here for your
own sake, even if nothing else changes. It's a great place to find understanding, growth and inspiration.