Welcome to SR -- and I agree with what Grits said. You need to get on the same page with your husband.
My ex would never go to counseling with me, but I know plenty of couples that don't deal with addictions who regularly go to counseling to "brush up" on their communication skills. They say it helps to have an objective observer who's not a friend but a professional who can point out when the discussion veers off track and starts getting filled with accusations, passive-aggressiveness, or general moping -- or whatever we tend to do when we discuss.
Do you think your husband would be open to that option?