New and need advice
My husband and I have been married 20 years. for all the years I have known him his brother is an alcoholic, substance abuser and addicted to gambling. He isn't married as he was close to mother all his life (mother alcoholic and died 18 years ago). All he has done is get into trouble. DUI, jail numerous times for drinking when probation appeared, etc.
we let him live with us after jail about 6 years ago for 4-6 months. then he lived in a hotel then an apartment (lost 3 homes due to gambling). then out of his apartment due to no $$ as he doesn't work. he has a small pension and disability so could rent a room and survive but chooses not to work even though he is capable of it. last year he came to live with us another 4 months after being kicked out of apartment, he doesn't drink at our house then went to my parents for 4 months and started drinking with a friend, constantly lying about looking for a job, etc. my parents kicked him out. so he went to hotel and ran out of money as he was drinking every night. Was homeless last week but came to my house every day toshower, eat, do laundry etc. well it was only the times when I was off to work. my husband sees nothing wrong with this. BIL decided to check into rehab and goes on the 1st of Feb. husband told him as of wed this week to not come around as he got his check and could survive or go to shelter. he constantly is telling my husband he can't make it to the 1st when he is going to rehab, it is cold outside when he was on the street, etc. my husband gave him $20 last week to buy cigarettes and food. I am beyond frustrated. this man is in his late 50s. Ihave never heard him take responsibility for his actions. always wants sympathy and handouts. I have two teenage boys who don't need to see this behavior being accepted. this is causing my marriage to fall apart. I love my husband more than ever yet I cannot deal with the daily behind my back letting his brother come into my home. I am tired of being the "bad guy". I didn't make his choices. I work full time, take care of my family. I don't need a 50+ man who has never made the right choices to have everyone feel sorry for him. He lies constantly is a master manipulator and my husband doesn't seem to understand I want him to take a stand and let his brother hit rock bottom to learn and grow up. When he told his brother he couldn't help him anymore, etc his brother's response was what are you on. again, doesn't understand what his actions do to others. Any suggestions/advice?