Dear Emily,
I went through the same thing years ago. He was the life of the party. He was the drunken fool and idiot. Everyone else was too. I wasn't. I was the dull and boring wife and mother who sat back and watched everyone else have fun. Now I know that the only way they could have fun was with the booze. They were just as boring as myself without the booze.
I got the same crap from mine and I told him that I would rather be by myself then have to associate with a bunch of idiots. This didn't sit with him very well, of course. My reply was directed at him, but he took it that I didn't like his friends. Which was true too.
It's all part of the game of putting the blame on you. I can say that I never did join in just to be part of the crowd. These same people are still a bunch of boozers...and their lives are stuck somewhere in the universe that doesn't make sense to me. You, me and others who deal with alcoholism on such a personal basis are so much farther along than they are. We're showing the knowledge and wisdom that comes with dealing with addictions and are making the effort to get better.
These so called friends and some family no longer associate with us now that he went into rehab 18 years ago. At first it didn't bother him. It took years before he realized they never were friends. This gang, now he says, was a click of drinkers who thought they were above reproach and that the world was screwed up. Not them.
At this stage in my life, if they were the only people available to be friends with, I'd go it alone. I've got several lady friends at my alanon group. As a couple, we don't have friends. Everyone we know drinks. We've gotten invitations, but they always ask us to bring a bottle or to meet them in a bar. We wouldn't do that. Now having our recovering son home with us, it's totally out of the question. They may think we're being stuffy or stuckup, but I'm not going to go into details why we won't associate wtih them.
You're a gem. You've got friends here with us.
Love and hugs