Addiction is so complicated. There is nothing, in addiction, that is black and white. For someone to even attempt to sum it up into a neat little package of "if they're happy, have a job, love, etc...they will overcome addiction" is pure BS. No, nope, not even close, no way.
I read that article last night and if I didn't have a decent handle on understanding the dynamics of addiction and my relationship to it in terms of my own codependency, it would have sent me reeling. I sat there imagining how many people, struggling to move on after being in an addictive relationship, just got thrown back 100 feet and knocked to their knees by reading that. Irresponsible in my opinion and certainly not backed up enough by any real, significant evidence.
I work in a hospital and I'm currently in school to become certified in addiction nursing. I'm certainly NOT a professional by any means, however, through life circumstances (growing up with too many addicts/alcoholics), personal experiences, work related experience, extensive amounts of schooling to date, and everything else I've seen/been though, I can't even remotely subscribe to this. Not even close.
For instance, just an example of two people:
I grew up in an alcoholic/addicted/physically & mentally abusive home. My father was an abusive alcoholic and my mother was a depressed alcoholic addicted to benzos. I lost 2 close family members to overdoses. I lost 2 other close family members (one being my younger brother) to drunk driving accidents. I was probably the loneliest, most depressed and anxious kid walking the earth back then. I had no sense of self, no sense of love, no sense of security, no sense of direction. I don't think I had low self esteem, I don't think I had ANY. At around the age of 15, I rebelled. HARD. I had good friends and I had bad friends. I chose to mostly hang out with the bad friends. My boyfriend at that time was an alcoholic and sold/did cocaine. I drank and I did cocaine right along with him. ALL of the people I hung out with back then, and through my middle 20's, drank heavily and did drugs. I tended bar from the age of 18 on, I had unlimited access to alcohol and drugs. I did both until I was 21. Sometimes often, sometimes not so often. It all depended on my mood and what was going on in my life. I continued to tend bar at night until I was almost 30, while also working at the hospital. I knew all of the dealers on a first name basis because they all hung out at the bar.
I got pregnant with my daughter at 21. Since that moment, I have never again touched a drug. Not marijuana, not cocaine, nothing. I continued to drink on occasion when I had friends over or when I was out, but that was it. My responsibility as a mother kicked in and I was done with it all. In my late 30's and couldn't imagine doing any of that now. I had every factor in place to become addicted. I had the genetic history, the access, the traumatic childhood, the social setting, the drug dealing boyfriend, the bar. It would have been easy.
My ex-fiance grew up in the white picket fence family. Doting mother and hard working father. Beautiful house, affluent suburban area. Well off family. He had an alcoholic father, but very high functioning. He coached their sports teams and was very involved with his children. His family (extended) are all extremely close and loving. His friends consisted of the "good kids". Nothing that I know of that was too traumatic besides normal growing up things. He graduated from high school, went off to college and that is where the heavy drinking started. He's a full blown alcoholic now with no end in sight.
Why him and not me? He had the good upbringing with the loving, supportive family and 'good' friends. He didn't have half the trauma in his life that I did. He did good things and I did bad things. I had the perfect setting to fall into addiction and he had the opposite, except for the genetic/social factor of his father being a functioning alcoholic.
I could give so many more examples that make this 'revelation' about addiction make no sense.
As far as loving the addict/alcoholic...hmm. I don't think I could have loved him anymore than I did. I don't think we could have had more than we had. Our families supported us, we have (well, he HAD) a beautiful home, we were best friends and from the outside looking in, we were the 'perfect' couple in every way.
You can NOT love someone out of addiction. You just can't. How many of us have tried just on this board alone without even taking into account the millions upon millions of other parents, wives, boyfriends, etc...that have pulled out all the stops to love their addict through it?
There are too many factors to attempt to tie it up so neatly. Genetics, personality, social structures, biological factors and so much more.
Addicts create their own cages, mental cages., and real cages even. If you put an addict into a nice environment, he will destroy it. ..they seem to be unaware they are doing it, they just automatically destroy until their real world matches whatever mental impression they have of the world
This, right here, is what hits home the most. I've witnessed this first hand. I've watched this unfold in my own family more times than I care to remember. I've watched as addicted family members stole, beat up their mother AND grandmother and take the food right from their children's mouths to feed their addiction because NOTHING ELSE MATTERED.
This author, in my opinion, is extremely irresponsible with their writing and research and I'm left feeling a bit disgusted. As well as angry and concerned thinking about the many people that have probably read this and have been set far back because of it.