Thank you endgame, it was a thought provoking article. I think the issue of causation/correlation is still murky though.
Something that I have wondered about is whether or not I have masqueraded as an extrovert my whole life. I believe I often used alcohol as an escape route in social settings that I would have preferred not to be in. I built a life around being social, yet when I looked at my calendar the parts I looked forward to were being alone.
I worked with an excellent therapist over the years. She taught me to honor the parts of myself that needed solitude to recharge. I also began to realize that most societies place a value on being social or connected. Being an extrovert carries a premium. Almost immediately when someone commits a horrible act you will hear the word loner used to describe them.
So think about it. A lot of us here are introverts (and a lot of us are introverts with pets). A lot of us have likely absorbed the social cues that somehow being social is better, more normal, more valued. I wonder how many others there are like me who begin to use alcohol because they have painted themselves into a corner by unwittingly creating relationships predicated on something they are not?
My need for solitude feels visceral. Somehow people assume because I don't seek connection readily that I am somehow aloof. I think a lot of this very basic programming resulted from trauma as a child. For years I took the bait. Party girl. I spent a decade on a NY trading floor elbow to elbow with people as far as I could see. My mailbox and answering machine were always full, I was always responding, I rarely initiated. Introversion does not necessarily mean shy, so I can see how it would be confusing that someone who enjoys solitude can still display a strong character in social settings. But the introversion was always there…the sports I chose, the apartments I lived in, the relationships I made…they have always been oriented towards giving me space.
So I have found that getting sober actually has necessitated my respect for my introversion. I see it as a calm, building period. Maybe it could be labeled isolation. But I am specific about who I spend time with, to me that is being authentic and I find that to be crucial to my sobriety. I have also made it a point to be more vocal to my loved ones about the fact that my need for privacy doesn't mean I don't love them.
I don't know, perhaps it is a byproduct of aging but social events don't hold much allure for me anymore. Geez Louise, sorry, didn't mean to write novel but curious to see others depiction of isolation versus introversion.