It is great you are finally facing and letting out the pain and hopes you have been carrying for so long.
Healing will come when the truth is finally there and accepted, hard as it is.
The therapy you are getting really seems to be helping.
That and you are facing things, and "doing the work" as someone said in an earlier post.
I'm also glad the real reason you have been not asking for a fair settlement is finally on the the table Butterfly--I hope you do let the lawyers handle this and get that fair settlement.
In your last post you said you had no money for a holiday as all would be spent on your car, yet your AH had money, has money and took a holiday.
These are things you worked for too in your marriage and you are entitled to them. Please let the system do its work.
Also, my mother "trusted" my father to do what's right and help me with my college. (she had to kick him out for his alcoholism as well)
Guess what--he remarried and didn't contribute a dollar. I had to take loans and work full time throughout college to be able to go.
Now I'm a slave to paying back those loans my father could have helped me with so easily but didn't choose to.
He only paid what the court said (child support) for as long as they said to--until I was 18 and that was it.
Protect your son's future and get college support legally obligated if you can.
Sorry to be so practical when you are in pain, but believe me, suffering is much better
in the end if we have some breathing room financially and are treated fairly by the alcoholic even if it is by legal order.
Hugs and keep letting it out.