I know you feel stuck, Butterfly, but honest to goodness this post itself is proof that you are doing it. Right now. Getting all this out in the open IS part of the process of acceptance. I know it feels awful, but when you are going through something (as opposed to around/avoiding), pain is gonna come out. Better out than in, I always say.
This is what recovery looks like. And what it feels like, unfortunately. It really does get better. I am very proud of you.