Originally Posted by
lawrie 
.....I can deal with a lot but the cheating gets me the most. I need more self esteem because although I realize it'd be a blessing for him to find someone else, it'd crush me. I often wonder if he's looking for someone to replace me or just a thrill.
Do you see the issue here? You say if he ..."find(s) someone else, it'd crush me." You have put your entire happiness and being on someone who is an addict and perhaps suffers a personality disorder. You have attached your wagon to Crazy. And if Crazy does what Crazy usually does, you will allow yourself to be crushed.
It is never good to attach your wagon to Crazy. It is never good to be in a state where your happiness relies on the stability of someone else. Especially when that person has shown over and over again that he is unstable.
This isn't about him though. He's just doing what he wants to do. This is about you -- and why you choose to attach yourself to and rely on someone who brings you such unhappiness.