Originally Posted by
SadOnEarth 
Here is some of my question though, if anyone can help me understand.
first, He once told me he treated me so bad on purpose because i was not worth it, and he has never treated any of his exes so bad, neither he would to any other girl. Is this because of me?
second, I feel like my self-esteem dropped to the worst level, and how can i improve it?
third, I am little concerned about my reputation around, and obviously all his friends stood on his side eventually and all picture me as a demon, should i care to rectify it?
forth, he says he would be golden after leaving me because i made him doing so much pills and drugs, and would he really be a nice sweetheart for other girls? I really feel bad for this, its paradoxical. on one hand I do not want to be that "not worthy", on the other hand, i want him to have a good life. i know this thought is evil, and it creeps in my head some times, i hate it and i am really torn.
thank you again, if u managed this line, for baring with me, i am extremely grateful for having a platform like SR, that i feel not alone.
Thank you.
Its sounds like he was really trying to hurt you with words in my opinion.. and It did have an impact on hurting you didn't it? I think if you have been in an environment where you have not been valued, and made to feel worthy.. then it might be best if you can try change this by surrounding yourself with positive people in your life.. ones who can reaffirm your NOT all those things he said.. It might be a good time to try some new things, meet new people, etc. If you think its a more severe issue then would it be possible for you to talk through the whole experience with a therapist? I used one for a while and it was very helpful. Im not sure about trying to clear your good name.. I think people who truly know you will see the real you & not whomever he portrayed you to be. If you keep living your own life and bring good things into it, all of that will be reflected outward for others to see & you wont have to say anything.