Mme85, im not a doctor. Far from it. But just maybe, just maybe, the reason you were depressed during your sobriety is because you were not willing to let go of your alcoholism. Perhaps you haven't concided to thd fact that you can never drink again. And your fighting that. And its winning. And thats depressing you. Its that"white knuckling" we often hear about. Its a real tuff spot to be in.
Im not going to preach god to you. I can only relate my experience with you. Ill be honest here. God is my only hope on beating this dreadful disease. Theres no way I can quit on my own. My hp is drinking for me now. I don't have to anymore. My depression was lifted when I quit drinking and realized something greater than me took over my life and restored me to sanity.
Your still young. You have many more years left to enjoy. Go one day at a time. And thank you for sharing with us. It will get better. Have a little faith.