My husband is currently in a sober living environment (basically a house with other alcoholics/addicts roommates who are clean and sober and trying darn hard to stay that way - which he actually really likes btw and he's making some really good sober friends this way too) and earlier this month broached the subject of him moving back. I just kept it very simple and told him that I was not ready, which is !00% true. The thought of experiencing him relapse again and me having to kick him out AGAIN just gives me anxiety. No thank you. It's just too soon for me. Either I'm worth waiting for/working for, or I'm not. I just threw the ball back onto his side of the court.
Lots of "I" statements seem to work best for me as I think they're difficult to argue with.
I'm not ready,
I'm still working on myself,
I'm not comfortable yet and when any of that changes I'll let him know. For right now our plan is to chat about it again at the beginning of March. Realistic expectations have been set.
My husband has also stayed in a hotel for extended periods of time and gave me similar excuses as to why he "needed" to come stay at our home. Nope. He can (and did) walk into any hotel at anytime and ask if they have vacancy.
I think you're doing such a great job of sticking to your boundaries and taking excellent care of yourself, Katchie! I'm sorry you're not feeling well and hope you're better soon!