Well over the last few hours I've changed my perspective on things.
a) Things could be alot worse. I could be Brennan. I could be Brennan's mom, or sister. I have my health - I have friends and family and a snuggly puppy dog that care about me. I have some money in the bank. I have a good paying job. I didn't kill myself or anyone else in my drinking career (yet) and I certainly should have numerous times.
So I lost a close friend and my fiance is screwing around. Yeah - it's a crap week. But I should be grateful for the things I do have, because in reality my life is not that bad.
b) An interesting realization I've come to.... I actually don't really want to drink/use. It's not the bad times that cause me to drink/use since I've been trying to get sober - it's actually the good times.
It's when everything starts going good in my life that I start to question whether I might be able to control my drinking.
I'm actually OK being sober through this. In a wierd way, it feels good to feel SO much, even if those feelings are bad.
And for today - based on what I am feeling - I'm pretty sure I'm safe from picking up a drink or a drug. So I should be grateful for that.
Thanks all for your continued support and love.
Mrrr.