Even after ALL of this, I am so hurt and it just consumes me. Deep down, I know I deserve better but I just can't seem to get over my AH. Since we have young kids I don't have time to do a lot of things for myself but I do journal and that helps.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Just want to be happy again.
Well, I think what's important at this moment is to not fight what you're feeling and accept it as what you're feeling in the moment. Going through a separation is difficult even without drugs in the picture. But drugs are in the picture, and because they are, you can't really personalize what he's doing.
If you hang around here long enough, you'll read plenty of horror stories from women whose husbands have gone off the rails with drugs and then shacked up with another woman who is also an addict. The details may vary from person to person, but two common traits all of these men share are chemically induced narcissism and a complete, utter lack of self awareness. Hence, the words of your AH when he attacked you (calling you a liar and self centered).
Do you plan on dissolving the marriage?