Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle

Here's the simple truth: he is not done drinking. Everything else is noise; there is no benefit to analyzing what he said, what he thinks, or his version of what occurred. He is drinking and will continue to do so until he is ready to give it up. And although that sounds like a simple choice with obvious benefits, that is not how it lands for an alcoholic. Drinking is how he gets through life, and the thought of giving up the one thing that consistently worked in making it possible to get through life on life's terms is like asking him to give up oxygen. Totally irrational, but that is his reality. Which is why trying to apply logic to his thinking or actions is folly. He is an alcoholic - this is what alcoholics do. It's not about you, how much he loves you, or any of the other ways one could logically try to parse an alcoholics choices.

AA's big book describes the day of reckoning when an alcoholic seriously decides to quit as "the jumping off place." That is a great description... standing on a cliff, not knowing how high you are or what lies at the bottom, but knowing that you simply cannot stand where you are anymore. So you jump, because life is intolerable and any consequence of this jump, including death, is preferable to another day in addiction.

Don't invest any more spiritual energy on trying to control or understand the ex. As to the guy friend - simply tell him he was way out of line discussing your business. He meant well, but should have paid attention to his discomfort: he was out of bounds and his discomfort was telling him so.