I was with my exABF for close to 7 years. He blamed me for drinking due to 'nagging'. When I reminded him that he was drunk the night I met him (yes-red flag) and subsequently almost every time thereafter, he still blames me for his drinking.
I also have a 5 year old son with this man. I was on this site about 3-4 years ago steadily for months. I should have left him back then, but didn't. I have now.
He blames me for EVERYTHING. I started dating when we broke up and then kind of circled back around to him because of my confused state of mind. When I told him it wasn't going to work, I was a no-good, unloyal, w*7re. He ridiculed me for years and beat me down to the point where my self-esteem was in the gutter. It still is to some degree, but I am getting it back through taking care of my body and through making friends out in the world again. People genuinely like me everywhere I go. I have had people (including every boss I have worked for) tell me what a loyal, honest, hard working individual I am (and SMART), and yet, this xABF of mine was able to make me feel lower than I ever have in my life. I have never been in this type of abusive relationship before, but I am still trying to find happiness being away from him.
I got used to the abuse cycle. The thing I realized though is that although I have forgiven him so many times for the abusiveness, that he never sees me clearly and in a good light. I am always the enemy and in the trenches fighting for my sanity. I am the cause and the root of any bad will that has ever occurred in our relationship. Regardless of the fact that I financially supported him and our child (and still fully support our child), worked hard to get my business degree, and have made responsible choices, I am a no-good lying cheating woman.
It only escalates and gets worse. The delusional thinking while drinking gets much worse. My xABF actually thought that someone in a night club poisoned him by touching a metal part of her purse that was laced with plutonium on his arm and that he was going to die a slow death causing him first to amputate his own arm. o.0
If you didn't have a child with him, be glad. There are emotionally available men out there with good jobs and a good head on their shoulders. Just don't go to a bar to look for them!