My best guy friend was at a location working today where he ran into ex bf who was also working next door. He said he was drunk. Having a few drinks with the client. ( the client is usually the only one having "a few.")
He said hi and asked how I was doing. My friend said: "Look, I don't want to get in the middle of this. I'm really uncomfortable. I would prefer not to talk about you and her."
exabf: "I just want to know how she is doing."
Friend: She is doing great, kicking butt at what she wanted to accomplish and working hard. She is really happy honestly. She is in a really good place.
exabf: I don't understand why she won't talk to me, she won't take my email, see me. I just got cut off. I walk by her apartment all the time and look at her windows to see if the light is on. I miss her so much, think about her all the time. She is all I think about.
Friend: well, you know why. You have a drinking problem.
exabf: I don't have a drinking problem. I'm fine. Look, I'm happy, I am working all the time now. I have been working with "big client" all week here. If I was dating her right now, she would just be nagging me on set arguing with me to come home and ask me if I had been drinking. ( I have never done that, its unprofessional and I only asked him if he was drinking when he stayed unusually late and blew us off.)
Friend: Look man, she is standing her ground on her decision. She thinks she made the right one and she is moving on. She loved you and she still loves you. She truly cared about you more than any other guy she ever loved but you really messed things up because of the drinking and now you have to accept her decision if you don't want to change it. She is truly trying to move on with her life. I have had a lot of friends in your shoes, and if you don't do something about it you are going to really hurt your body.
He said that as he told exabf HE was the only person I had ever loved that much, he started to cry and turned around for a second. ( I see manipulation here. or just overjoyed at hearing how much I still love him due to his alcoholic selective hearing.)
My friend called me and said he felt really cornered, uncomfortable, and that within that 10 minutes exabf did not seem even a little emotionally stable. He was up and "fine" one minute saying he didn't have a problem, and the next down in the pits on the verge of tears. Then back up again. I don't recognize this behavior seems worse?
On top of it, as we were talking, exabf started texting him many texts including:
"Heey, It was not easy to run into you tonight, you have always been nice to me but that doesn't mean I appreciate you making me cry within two minutes of seeing you. It was nice to see you tonight. She is lucky to have you as a friend and it is none of my business but b/c I love her and always will I want to thank you for being someone in her life besides her dad that has been constant and kind."
I am sorry this is long!
First, All of this seemed inappropriate to me. He blamed me for his drinking the last I talked to him, and hung up on me. And he is saying I cut him off? I didn't answer your call after you HUNG UP ON ME. I chose to move on from your alcoholism.
second, I am so frustrated that after all he has put us through, & admitted to, he has now reverted back again to " I don't have a problem."
And third, Is this an alcoholic gimmick to call me a nag? I have to be honest, In the 4 years we were together I never once called him at work and said why aren't you home. I think he eluded to this in saying. " She would be nagging me to come home and asking me if I was drinking." Yes. I was concerned about the drinking, not trying to keep him from clients.
I sat in my bed tonight like, WTF. He is really always drama and chaos. I really do not miss this feeling of him making me feel like I am our problem and not his drinking. Can anyone comment on the nagging thing and on the sheer denial? Do they really believe this stuff themselves?