Originally Posted by
sup3r1or 
I was clean for 2 weeks prior to this 4 beers 2 days. My health insurance wont cover any admission for detox and I will loose job. I found that if go for medical detox I will be hookes on benzos, once eve after few days I try to get off it is a living hell. worse than anything I have experienced before.
A solid plan is what Im missing
You've got to try and find things that you CAN do, vs. listing the things you cannot or won't do. Here's some thoughts
1. Open up your local phonebook ( or use google ) and look up the phone numbers for your local addiction treatment centers, AA hotlines, etc. Search under alcoholism. Call them and tell them that you are an alcoholic and you need help. They can direct you to whatever resources are available locally.
2. Read up on AVRT or any of the other self paced recovery methods. There is a lot of information in the secular forum here on these. Perhaps one of these can supplement or even be a main recovery plan for you
3. Spend time here on SR reading or even in the Chat room if you need immediate support to keep from drinking.
4. Above all, accept your problem for what it is. Write down or say out loud to yourself: "I will not drink today".