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Need help... Loosing everything...

Old 01-12-2015, 05:51 AM
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Need help... Loosing everything...

Hi everyone,
Im not new here. I have been here before many times. Couple of months back after my heavy drinking session had my gallbladder removed due to inflammation. Time passed, my wife was working 100 km away from me so it was back and fourth all the time. Opportunity came to move to the same city with a new job. Something I always wanted. No AA meetings here. Drinking started to become a problem again, I have IBS and god knows what. If I drink a lot and for me even 1 day is enough. I will suffer horrible panic, anxiety or maybe alcohol withdrawals shaking, crushing chest pains, insomnia, shortness of breath.

Couple of months back my wife gave her last attemp I agreed to go and see a doc. He put me on 8mg of lorazepa. (he though I had Dt's but I never did). I only took 5 first day then 1 next day then stop. (I dont like benzos) god almightry 3rd day I was panicking. Waking up screaming at night and feeling like having a seizure (but all goes away after few mins of being awake). 3 times after that I started drinking suffering similar symptoms.

Most important thing before my NY my wife left me with my daughter, It took me biblical effort to get her to comeback. I know I hurt her when Im drunk with arguments and being rude, she tried to help for 2 years. I made aplan of all my mistakes with her in the relationship. After 1 week of putting into action, I made good progress. Then yesterday slipped again a few beers but she noticed me being rude and I got aggressive. I took a shower and came out she and baby had gone again (she stays at mother in law 160km away). I have no transport to follow but also have a job to keep.
I didnt sleep yesterday, I got to work but my head was full of thoughts, because I told my girl (2.5 years old) this would not happen again. I failed. I feel so bad right now worse than anything I ever felt, broken, depression, shakes, stomach ache, anxiety, dizzy.... I lost hope, I went out and drank 4 beers so far my money running really short. I dont know what to do... is there a hope?

She says I blew my last chance, no amount of begging help anymore.
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Old 01-12-2015, 05:57 AM
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Hope is a part of why you will do the best to be better.. only you can say.. this is the right path.. and then stay on that path.. why throw your money away. to make yourself more upset.. time for a look in the mirror Mate and find out what you really want forever... only you have that key for that box of Hope.. prayers love and a punch in the arm ardy usa...
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:11 AM
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I grew up with an alcoholic father. Alcoholism stole my childhood. As soon as I realised in my forties that I was heading that way I kicked my own arse hard and stopped as I did not want to steel my children's childhood away from them. Your baby has just one chance at being a little girl and enjoying her childhood. If you take this away from her, and you will if you carry on, she is likely to carry a lot of hurt around forever. If you can't do it for yourself then at least have the decency to protect the one little life that you have brought into this world and give her the childhood that she deserves. Seek help today!
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:24 AM
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Originally Posted by sup3r1or View Post
Im not new here. I have been here before many times.
But you don't stick around. For people who cite SR as helping them get and stay sober, they use it. A lot. Maybe if you did, you'd have some success.

You asked it there is hope for you. There is hope is there is commitment to getting sober and acceptance that you can never drink again. So let me ask you, is there commitment? Acceptance of your alcoholism?

If yes, then there is hope.
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:39 AM
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There is always hope. You mentioned that at one point you were doing AA meetings, have you considered going back?

As Carl mentions, the real question is what are you willing to do to get sober. The bottom line is that drinking is the cause of all your problems, and the solution is to stop drinking. It sounds as though you haven't accepted that you are an alcoholic as you have continually decided to keep drinking, even in the face of losing your family.

Make today the day that that all changes. Accept that you cannot ever pick up the first drink. You have the choice.
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:45 AM
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Have you considered rehab of any sort Superior to help with this it would signal you truly want change

Stick around SR bud you got support but you got to want this more than anything you have ever wanted before
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:46 AM
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Similar then the others. You have to put as much effort in recovery as you do drinking and detoxing, suffering. With an equal amount of effort, you will remain sober.
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:46 AM
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There is hope, but at the moment you need to focus on your recovery for yourself. You have no control over what your wife will do at this point, but you need to focus on recovery to be the person you want to be and to be the father you want to be. I hope you continue reading and posting.
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:56 AM
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Hi sup3r1or

Giving up anything isnt easy. Giving up alcohol is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I see your problem as this my friend. You want to give up, you try to give up but keep slipping. I have come to understand that while the sentiment is honourable, its a little light on substance.

Every time you drink it takes a little of something you have away from you, your money, your health and yes, even your family.

Now you have to do something you don't want to do, what none of us want to do.

You have to give everything, I do mean everything.

You have to be ready to stand in front of the mirror and have a real go at yourself, you have to get all that emotion out that you have been suppressing with alcohol out and make a pact.

The pact is this, you will NEVER drink alcohol ever again.

You have to go through the anxiety, you have be scared, have the shakes, puke up over yourself for no reason, you have to cry, beat yourself up and come out in a few days time clean and sober. Then you need to make a plan never to relapse again. No more feeling sorry for yourself saying I can never have a drink again. You just dont.

No more excuses, oh my lifes falling apart, so I will have a drink to feel better. No thats not going to win your family back.

Your Wife has stuck by you for 2 years and from her point of view, she has a little one to put first, she cant look after to you too.

You need to put some distance between you and your family in order to return to them a clean and sober Father and Husband and someone they are proud of.

I told you, you have to give everything. Only you can decide if you have it in you to do it or will you just keep returning to the bottle.

We are all here for you, everyday to help you get through this, use us, confide in us and all of us will use all of knowledge and experience to keep you sober and return you to your family.

You might be down, but your not out yet, Son.

Get rid of all your booze and make today your Day 1.

I am praying for you.
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:56 AM
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My father in law is a 13 yr recovering alcoholic this month, you can def do it, I have faith that u will go very far in life. I ended up having my gallbladder out as well and have ibs. It usually comes with having it taken out from what my doctor said and prebiotic help for the pain if that helps any. Also next um for the burn and cramps. I'm also manic depressant and panic disorder and I found that when I'm panicking find a random object in the room and call out all the features, like color, shape, tiny details. It's called "focal point" exercise. It truly helps better than any med j have ever takin so maybe this will help for u as well. Also I asked my father in law on how to help with the shakes and stuff and he said to talk to a doctor, it's very normal, but being honest to your doctor will help with recovery. He said he will pray for u as well because his low wasn't until he lived under an over pass in Indianapolis and is glad u caught it early. Sending all my blessing to u all!
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:58 AM
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Im here guys, I have tears pouring non stop. I just want to see my little girl, she gives me strength and optimism. Im sinking in the negative feelings and thoughts.
I put effort in recovery but as soon as I start feeling good couple of weeks or months later (recently weeks) back at it again for 1-2 days then suffer. But every time symptoms get so much worse.
I cant do rehab, no cash, will also loose job and screw up my family. Closest AA meeting is 100km away.
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:59 AM
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Glad you posted.......

There exists only a couple options for those of us in the grips of alcoholism; quit or shorten our lives/die.

Miraculous things can happen but it takes effort. Including finding a way to get help. People all over the world figure out a way to get sober and stay stopped. I hope you find your way, friend.

peace to all of us on our journeys
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Old 01-12-2015, 07:06 AM
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Have you considered supervised detox, sup3r1or?

You do have the choice here, even if it doesn't seem like it.

If you make the decision to get and stay sober you don't have to drink ever again.

It's necessary to follow a plan so that you have focus and incentive as well as tools to help you over come cravings and get through tough periods.

You can make a plan today. You can get sober today.

You won't regret it.

Last edited by JanieJ; 01-12-2015 at 07:12 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 01-12-2015, 07:18 AM
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I was clean for 2 weeks prior to this 4 beers 2 days. My health insurance wont cover any admission for detox and I will loose job. I found that if go for medical detox I will be hookes on benzos, once eve after few days I try to get off it is a living hell. worse than anything I have experienced before.

A solid plan is what Im missing
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Old 01-12-2015, 07:21 AM
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Thers AWAYS hope.
However, to get out from under all the crap is Gona require more than words.
I'm guessing ya probably have some experience of what just words have done.
There's going to need to be action.action on changing you and your thinking. And not just one day of it.
And as Carl and scot have said, ya gotta be willing to do whatever it takes
A question for ya:
How many times have ya stopped drinking for your Wife and/ or daughter,mfor your job, or for something other than for you?
If like a lot of us, quite a few and it didn't work.
So do it for you!
Are you positive there are no AA meetings near you?
There are meetings online.

Yes there is hop,but YOU have to get into action.
So get into action because youre worth it.
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Old 01-12-2015, 07:28 AM
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My wife just posted this link
10 Toxic People You Shouldn't Bring With You Into The New Year
With " I presumed that my life has been completely toxic for too many years
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Old 01-12-2015, 07:30 AM
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Originally Posted by sup3r1or View Post
I was clean for 2 weeks prior to this 4 beers 2 days. My health insurance wont cover any admission for detox and I will loose job. I found that if go for medical detox I will be hookes on benzos, once eve after few days I try to get off it is a living hell. worse than anything I have experienced before.

A solid plan is what Im missing
You've got to try and find things that you CAN do, vs. listing the things you cannot or won't do. Here's some thoughts

1. Open up your local phonebook ( or use google ) and look up the phone numbers for your local addiction treatment centers, AA hotlines, etc. Search under alcoholism. Call them and tell them that you are an alcoholic and you need help. They can direct you to whatever resources are available locally.

2. Read up on AVRT or any of the other self paced recovery methods. There is a lot of information in the secular forum here on these. Perhaps one of these can supplement or even be a main recovery plan for you

3. Spend time here on SR reading or even in the Chat room if you need immediate support to keep from drinking.

4. Above all, accept your problem for what it is. Write down or say out loud to yourself: "I will not drink today".
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Old 01-12-2015, 08:34 AM
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About first point. I live in Thailand (moved here) Im literally in the middle of nowhere.
Other points I agree with.
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Old 01-12-2015, 08:42 AM
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I agree with Scott's post.

You are focusing a lot on what you can't do, and there are things you can do. You must focus on those and begin making some changes in your life. There is hope but you have to grab it and do whatever you need to do.
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Old 01-12-2015, 08:46 AM
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Hello!

I am with Scott on what he says, and his two points below, in particular.

For me, AVRT makes more sense than any other program I have tried. It puts me in control of my life and actions. Of course, it may not be the right program for you. Worth checking out though.

And...you CAN do it!

Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post

2. Read up on AVRT or any of the other self paced recovery methods. There is a lot of information in the secular forum here on these. Perhaps one of these can supplement or even be a main recovery plan for you

4. Above all, accept your problem for what it is. Write down or say out loud to yourself: "I will not drink today".
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