Thanks all... I know if things stay this way I'll drink again. She brought home a large can of my favorite beer ever, blue moon that there is no NA substitute for so I could have a "real" one during the football game today. I have never been so angry and hurt. It's bad enough I'm relying on s crutch to get me through but I'm making it. Whatever motivation she has to make me fail fine but to bring it to me I will say that a 16 oz can makes a satisfying sound as it smashes open against a barn. She has no clue it's coming. I just want a normal life. I don't care if she drinks but I don't want to. I could see her wanting me to drink if she drank all the time too but she doesn't it's like twice a month on the weekends I'm working so why does it matter if I do or not? Ah whatever I'm going to win this one with or without her.