upminer

The last two months have been a reawakening for me and one thing is crystal clear. My relationship with my wife is non existent I am feeling even more alone than when I was drinking while she was gone. She has ridiculed me and tried to make me relapse in the last two months. I didn't want to go this route while I was drinking as I didn't want my problems to cloud my judgement but I can't do this anymore. I've pleaded with her to change her ways too, try to find things to do we both want and all she does is "go out" on the weekends I work and she's "tired" on the weekends I'm off. Papers will be served Monday. 6 month "cooling off" period. Financially I can afford it but thugs will be tight, I get to keep my house since I owned it prior to the marriage according to the lawyer... Maybe she will see that I am serious about changing my life and agree to the counciling I've wanted maybe we can change things or maybe not but if I don't start changing I'll be back drinking and I'm not willing to do that just to stay in a bad relationship

Kitkat331

My thoughts are with you. I hope everything turns out the way you want it to. (And either way, picking back up won't help.)

Lancashire

Alcohol makes a poor sticking plaster for a broken marriage. If you feel its best to move, then my thoughts are with you.

OklaBH

Toxic relationships keep us drunk. Im glad you are taking control of your life.

FreeOwl

those are tough times to face, but they can also be empowering. Finally taking actions and getting unstuck from a situation that is not serving us can be a healing process even though painful.

A lot of times they say "no major decisions in early sobriety" - but given what you describe it sounds like this is a move that may have been long in coming. 6 month "cooling off period" also offers a little space just in case.... because, people and circumstances do change.

I offer you my thoughts and prayers. I've been through divorce twice and it is never a comfortable experience. Please consider getting yourself the support of someone you can talk to. Major life transitions are emotionally tough and doing it in isolation can be dangerous for those of us with addictions.

We're here for you.

Tang

Stay strong, whatever happens don't drink. It will make things worse. my thoughts go out to you.

shelton40

It is a very good choice to put your sobriety above any relationship. I hope the cooling off period is just that...prayers for you and your wife that things get worked out.
You have some pretty simple requests for improvement in your relationship. Hold your ground.

mrjustin

Whatever you do. Youre sobriety is the number one thing, you worked so hard and it protects the real you. It also means you will make the best and logical decisions for your long term happiness. Ride it out the storm will pass, always does. Hold fast vent on here as much as you need

JanieJ

This ^^^^^^

Thoughts and prayers to you, my friend.

SereneEdition

I'm sorry you are experiencing this so early in sobriety. Free Owl has good words.

Unfortunately sometimes are partners are done - it's not in our control.

What is in our control is staying sober and working on developing our best selves in recovery. You now have the gift of focus where you have some time to just prioritize recovery - and it is better place than a relationship that continues to trigger you. I believe in you, that you can do this.

Getting support will be key (both counseling & social). Have you tried attending AA meetings? - they are a great tool to meet folks and it doesn't sound like you'll risk bumping into your wife.

We are also here, of course!

SoberLeigh

I am sorry that you are experiencing this, upminer, especially so early in sobriety but I certainly understand your need to find a healthy environment which supports your sobriety efforts and set aside an environment which is hostile to your efforts.

The six month cooling off period seems very wise and leaves the door open for counseling and reconciliation. Hopefully, both those situations will materialize.

Anna

This sounds like a difficult and sad situation, but you are doing the right thing by staying sober and taking care of your recovery.

Gonnachange

Glad you're staying sober during this difficult period. I wish you well.

Della1968

I wish you all the best. Ending any relationship is difficult at best.

upminer

Thanks all... I know if things stay this way I'll drink again. She brought home a large can of my favorite beer ever, blue moon that there is no NA substitute for so I could have a "real" one during the football game today. I have never been so angry and hurt. It's bad enough I'm relying on s crutch to get me through but I'm making it. Whatever motivation she has to make me fail fine but to bring it to me I will say that a 16 oz can makes a satisfying sound as it smashes open against a barn. She has no clue it's coming. I just want a normal life. I don't care if she drinks but I don't want to. I could see her wanting me to drink if she drank all the time too but she doesn't it's like twice a month on the weekends I'm working so why does it matter if I do or not? Ah whatever I'm going to win this one with or without her.

FreeOwl

Do you have any face to face support? Are you using AA?

Spacegoat

Like your attitude upminer. That is poor form her coaxing you. I know people like that.

Well done on being ahead of the situation and for staying off the booze.

MelindaFlowers

I have read that sometimes wives are uncomfortable when their alcoholic husbands stop drinking, even if they have nagged them for years to stop. It levels the playing field and changes the dynamic of the marriage. Maybe now they can't dismiss everything their husband thinks or feels.

Give it time though. It might turn around. Do you have children?

stayingpositive

Wishing you the best upminer. Sorry you are going through all of that.

Standing~4~My~5

How true!!!