I dont think its wrong to want your spouse to adore you, I think to me the term would mean to have the person show they like and love me for who I am, even though I have quirks, faults, or weaknesses. To show me respect, value my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and of course to comfort me at times, lend me courage, strength, hope when those things are feeling depleted in me. I also agree with the others, its something too in how we relate to each other, and learn how to gently ask for what we need if its not being given. I think it takes work in the area of communication.
On our book thread, another member added this and Ive been thinking about what it means too. We need to know ourselves, and have a good understanding of our own needs in order to express these to our spouse. If we have irrational needs, something coming from our past then we can at least understand ourselves better, work on it, and realize our spouse might not be able to fill the hole completely.
Originally Posted by
allforcnm 
I wanted to share something here... its not from the Beyond Addiction book, but I picked it up over at Smart Recovery a while back. Since we are in the phase of the book discussing taking care of ourselves... I thought it would fit in good here.. the topic is on learning how to form a healthy Interdependence in our relationships...
While expressing our love and affection are positive acts, it is important to make sure that you are reaching out to others with sincere affection instead of the need to fill up the emptiness inside of you. Looking to others to fill the void within us can leave them feeling drained. It also prevents you from paying attention to the emptiness you are feeling and seeing how you can fulfill yourself. Try to give of your love without an agenda or any strings attached. Others will be grateful to you today for loving them in conscious ways.
Taking care of our emotional needs allows us to form healthy, interdependent relationships. The people in our lives are there as companions on our journey and have their own purposes to fulfill. They are not here to keep us constantly entertained or meet our every emotional need. When we can relate to people in a way that our relationships add to our already full lives instead of becoming the center of our focus, we create interdependence instead of dependence. Instead of looking to others to meet the needs that we should be filling for ourselves, or expecting our loved ones to harbor us from any uncomfortable feelings, we can benefit from nurturing ourselves. Take care of your needs today, and you'll know that the tokens of affection you give to others won't come with any strings attached.
When we make an effort to know ourselves, we are better able to communicate with others on a deeper level. When we develop our relationship with ourselves, we invest in our most important relationship. We become aware of our deepest needs and desires, and we can act with confidence and purpose in our relationships because we know who we are and what we want. This intimacy with ourselves and others allows for clear and honest communication and creates richer relationships. Know who you are and honestly express yourself when communicating with the people in your life today, and all your exchanges will be meaningful and authentic.