I really enjoyed reading your post. Sounds like me...I've been getting various periods of sobriety that renew my hope. And then a day comes along seemingly out of the blue and I'll drink.
I'll drink hard and fast...horrible things happen and I'll stop again. Reset back to sober patterns and life gets better...until the invariable next time.
I'm learning it's tied to my emotions...I went to AA tonight and basically started sharing about my perception of an unfair God of my misunderstanding...
Because I don't understand God...and my lord did the hatred and anger start flowing...emotional RELEASE.
My emotions tie me into knots. I need to be vigilant of them.
Again really enjoyed your post. I absolutely get it.