Lawrie, I too have been in relationships where I just couldn't understand what was motivating the other person, what they really wanted, etc. I eventually realized that I was making myself crazy trying to understand the motivations of someone who didn't even know what they wanted for themselves. I discovered that the only thing I could really figure out for myself was what I wanted and what I was willing to put up with. So that's a question you might want to consider here: is this relationship meeting your needs? How do you feel about dating an addict? Is that a thing you're comfortable with?