Hi Lolita,
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I feel the same only instead of why can't I leave my question is why am I still hanging on, communicating with him etc after I did leave. And to an extent sometimes on real down days I think why did I leave which is crazy as I could list of a ton of reasons as to why I did because of his unacceptable behaviour.
I'm not sure whether anyone can answer the question that is personal to you as to why don't you leave...have you tried turning the question round into why do I stay? What is it about this man, this situation, this way of life that you think is worth staying for? If it helps although it might sound silly write a list.
You are not mad (though I know sometimes it can feel this way) and you are not boring this is just abuse to take attention away from a real topic you are trying to discuss with him. Maybe it's a case that you are the total opposite of boring and in actual fact crave something more exciting to life than being with a man who spends most of his time drinking- to me sitting drinking is boring to be honest.
You say it's getting worse and sadly the nature of the beast is that it is progressive without actual realisation and recovery on his part. I can understand your reluctance to talk as he gets angry as I have been there myself too. You also say he puts you down when he's had a certain amount- that's a form of abuse and whether he is drunk or not you don't deserve that.
I don't have an al anon near me and I know how useful people here say it is but other things you have are SR right here, could you get a therapist, do you have anyone else you can talk to? In terms of reading have you read the stickies on this site- they are so useful for information both on alcoholism and abuse. Could you look online for literature?
There will be other members who can offer more words of information and help but I offer you that I am here, I understand and I am sorry for your pain.
Sending you strength x