Originally Posted by
FlippedRHalo 
At the time when we had the final talk, I KNEW that I couldn't live that life. I KNEW that he was an alcoholic that wasn't ready to quit drinking and get his life together. I KNEW all of this so solidly in my mind.
You knew then, and you know now. You are simply grieving the very real loss of a love, of a future, of plans and hopes and dreams, however unlikely they were to work out as you had hoped.
Originally Posted by
FlippedRHalo And then I think that maybe he's healthier than I am. He's the alcoholic with the problem, yet he's able to just walk away and seems to be doing better than I am because I'm here struggling and crying to all of you while he's just...I don't know...getting on with his life
My friend, an "alcoholic that isn't ready to quit" is in no way healthier than you. Whereas you are thrashing around in your pain, reaching out for solace and support, and experiencing the normal, healthy roller coaster of emotions and loss, your XA is no doubt numbing himself, and drowning his sorrows in the bottle.
Ask yourself honestly, which life would you prefer?
I'm sorry you're in pain, I understand it intimately. 2 years ago I could have written your post word for bloody word.
FLipped, I can promise you this: As you start focusing on YOU, your passions, your work, your family, exercising regularly, eating well, going to concerts, museums, church; whatever you find diverting and comforting, YOU WILL HEAL. And wonderful things await you. I am living proof.
xo Spider