Welcome Jodie. I'm glad you're back here, but sorry that you're in such a toxic, unhealthy situation.
There is much support available for you from people who really do understand. Your recovery is possible no matter what happens with him.
The nation abuse hotline is 1-800-799-7233
The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support
Local resources are available too, often with support groups and/or individual counseling.
The hardest thing is often reaching out for help, which you're already doing with being here. Picking up the phone, walking through the door... those are other healthy steps. It Is worth it. You deserve happiness. You are worth it! The rage is natural yet is hurting you instead of him. It's okay to start your own healing.
(((Hugs)))