Well Jodie, I can't say I am all for the anger and throwing things... I have an ex who was verbally and mentally abusive, and had a speed addiction behind my back for the first two and a half years of our relationship, and though he got clean, his behavior never changed. Anyway, he is now married with another child on the way and my daughters visit every other weekend only to have to sit and witness their fights. And they are worse than if ever was between him and I because of who I chose to be about it. NOT that that made any of it any easier... but it's just not in me to act that way is all. I can't say I was or am all wise about these situations either, but I know two things:
One, you are allowed to feel what you are feeling.
Two, you are both to blame. Him for his behavior, and you for your reaction. I wouldn't even beat yourself up for your choice to stay with him because you truly believed at some point that there was real love there and that it is never a waste, in my opinion. It's not your fault, or any of us for that matter, that you chose to stay with him because if we were attracted to healthy people, that love would be valid and true. All we can do is try to equip ourselves with the tools to stop falling into these traps. At least, that is what I am learning anyhow...