Thank you for your response. Divorce was never in my vocabulary. I truly believe and I could be wrong, but if he didn't drink, I think he would be the man I married. I see it first hand with a family member. Once he hit rock bottom, he became a better person. A more caring, emotionally supportive individual.
Not like I haven't been in counseling. I was for close to 5 years. I accepted who my AH was, the good part of him. As my counselor said time and time again, ( she had met with him about 10 times) think of him as having cancer. Would you leave him ?
I know alcohol has messed him up. He still says he doesn't know what he wants to do. He is very conflicted. He hasn't totally moved his stuff out.
When all this happened, the philosophy of Buddhism helped me greatly. I did love him unconditionally and I guess foolishly believed my love would heal him. Buddhism is all about loving and accepting but do not tolerate alcohol.
I still don't think divorce is the answer. I know plenty of people who do not divorce and go on with their lives. I also have many friends who divorced and are back with their ex.
I know I need to focus on me and me alone. Sometimes it is easier said than done.
While we were separated, all I ever hoped and prayed for was for him to come back to me. He did but not sober.
Guess my Law of Attraction, asking for a sober partner didn't work. Guess my prayers didn't work as well. As my sister said, " pray that you get the strength to deal with whatever happens". I do.