Hi redatlanta and zee and thanks for your responses.
Today has been a tough day as I have basically had no contact with him since very early this morning and sporadic contact yesterday. He told me that he has blocked me from messaging as I blocked him from calling me and to F off basically.
There have been no tears today but I feel they will come tomorrow as I tried to hold myself together today because I was with family. Thoughts keep coming into my mind of is he out drinking, is he ok, or has he actually just found someone else, so worried about him but I somehow have to try and get over it. I want to contact his family but what's the point in that?
I won't lie I keep checking my phone to see if he read my last message or if he will message me but maybe that's it, maybe he's just done and I won't hear from him again.
I tried to be amicable and ask about arranging for us to exchange some personal belongings but he wasn't interested obviously.
I'm feeling sad right now, thinking of his face, how much I miss it and him. Thinking of the fact I have to sort through photographs of us and delete them, get rid of his belongings- should I post them back as good will or not even be that kind as I know he wouldn't have enough respect to do that with my belongings after the things he has said and done.
I'm also reflecting on the last year which I just feel like I have lost. I'm doing something positive and starting to learn to drive (again) tomorrow but I'm so dubious about how I feel even doing that. I know I need to start to focus and do some things for myself but he's just in my head constantly, it's so difficult having him just consume my thoughts.