Jane....I think you already know the answers about all the questions that you ask about him. As you pointed out in the beginning of your post...these are just rhetorical questions...LOL!
I believe that your ankst is coming from your personal emotional reactions. It is emotional--not intellectual....that is fueling your pain.
I will suggest that you read "The Saber-toothed Tiger"....it addresses why a person can't give up a relationship that they KNOW is toxic for them. Very enlightening material.
dandylion
***You do realize that all break-ups are painful, don't you....?
It is short-term pain for long-term gain