Hi Lucrezia.
I think you've made a good decision given that you had doubts and fears regarding going out tonight. Don't think you'll regret it beyond perhaps some fleeting moments of nostalgia... And there will be plenty of other days in the future when you can do interesting things more safely. If you asked me, based on your descriptions, I would rather go for the "quiet, spiritual thing" around midnight if you feel inspired for some kind of ritual. If you are doing NYE differently, then let it be really different, unique, and memorable this time!
I've personally never been a big party animal beyond my teens, but I do enjoy going to interesting events -- something I really did not do much during the last couple years of my heavy drinking. I have a relatively new bf who is an artist and is very embedded in the arts world in NYC, imagine what they plan to do tonight... big fancy party. He rarely drinks, but occasionally does enjoy it and I would never want to interfere with that. The party they are organizing for this NYE starts in the afternoon with an exhibition and there will be art performances during the night. So I've decided to attend the afternoon/early evening part. Then I'll come home, change, and go to watch a movie in a theater that's in walking distance from my place, and the film will run through midnight, so no counting with crowds etc
Then just come home and go to bed.
I hope you will have a pleasant night -- remember that NYE is really nothing else but a fleeting moment in the grand scheme, and by doing it differently in order to protect your sobriety, you create chances for yourself to experience probably yet unknown "sparkles" in the future
Happy New Year!