I'm so scared!!!
I haven't been sober on new years since I was 15.
What I love most about new years eve parties is this - dressing up all sparkly and fun, getting out to where there are people, lots of great music, sparkly lights, perhaps snacks, excitement... and did I say sparklies!? Glitter, shimmer, all of that... MY FAVOURITE. Everything is just so exciting.
And yes, I absolutely loved the anticipation of going to the store and getting all the fun kinds of booze. Getting totally drunk and all that. But thankfully, I love more about new years than just that. HOWEVER. All of those other things I love seem to be fused together with the drinking...
So my main problem this year is, what do I do!?!??
Quick backstory ~ I have social anxiety (and some general anxiety too). I have been working on myself a lot this year. But, I have been quite isolated lately. I have hardly any friends. I cut out some very toxic and abusive people, and only made one real friend since then, and all the other acquaintances and friends have been more distanced... I have been avoiding like all the gatherings that my maybe sorta friends/acquaintances/possible friends have been putting on. Because there is always alcohol there, even if it's not a get super drunk party. It's always there.
I was going to be at home on new years - completely alone - because I can't seem to find any sober thing to do. Like I said, I don't have many close friends right now.... only one, really, and they are a lot older and will probably be spending the night in with their spouse (or who knows, maybe they are going out somewhere fancy) and I'm just like... what do I do?!
So I was going to be home on new years. Order myself a pizza, eat all the things I want and drink all the non-alcoholic things I want and watch movies and listen to music or....something... but this just sounds depressing that I'm scared I might just go to the liquor stash (shared housing - not my booze, but a free for anyone thing) and just drink.
Or, I was just thinking, it would do my soul a lot of good to be around people. To actually get out, have fun, do all the music, food, people, SPARKLY GLITTER and stuff that I wanted to do and that I love so much about new years. But I would have to be at this party and just not drink. It just seems so risky, since I am nearing that mark of sobriety that I usually don't pass (just over a month... not long at all!!!) so it could be dangerous.
But also, I am so lonely lately and not getting out - that is eating at me too.
WHAT DO I DO?!?
I feel too scared to ask this older friend what they are doing... and I still don't know them that well... well I do, and I don't.
Do I~
1. Go to the party?
2. Stay home by myself?
3. ....something else? Do you have any ideas?? 