I'm a few weeks out and I definitely have a better hold over myself than I did right after we broke up. I think the absolute worst was the few days leading up to him coming to remove his things. I was such a mess, and so full of anxiety, that I could literally feel my heart fluttering in my chest and throat. It was kind of terrifying. I seriously thought there was something wrong with my heart. I broke down in a heaving, sobbing mess in my doctors office as they were doing an EKG because I swore they were going to tell me it was something horrible. Nope, it turned out to be just severe anxiety because of the situation I was going through.
I know it's awful and I know exactly where you're at right now. You don't think you can get through the next minute. It hurts so much it takes your breath away. It's the most awful of awful. You're worried about you, worried about him, worried how he's taking it and all of that fun stuff. Well, you couldn't stop him when you were there, and you can't stop him now that you're not there. The difference, however, is that now you can begin the road to healing...and it will come. Slowly, but it comes. Read here as much as you can. Read the stickies. Vent your feelings. The people here are so amazing at helping you through the moments that feel like your world is spinning so fast that it'll never stop for you to catch your breath.
I never thought I'd be able to do this a year ago, but I am. It still hurts, but not that acute pain of the first few days. Now it's more of a chronic ache. Hopefully soon it'll be a distant memory.
There is nothing you can do to change him. Trust me, I tried everything and then some. I think most of us have. It doesn't work.
Someone on this board at one time said "let go or be dragged" .... that says it all right there. You can hold on if you'd like, but you'll go down with him.
Hang in there. You're going to be ok. I know it's awful, but if you stay the course, cut yourself some slack and convince yourself that there is not a single thing you can do to change an alcoholic, you'll be ok.