Hi all, thanks for all your suggestions. Just trying to get on with life here. it is 3:20am and I just woke. I hate when that happens!!! I was sleeping fine through the night the first month, but I quess I'm starting to hate this alone thingy lately. Kinda wishing he would call, BUT really I don't want him anymore. Just hate the lonely feelings. I think what's happening is I KNOW there is nothing, absolutely nothing at all to go back to with him. And the reality of that is scary and painful. I find myself looking (still) for someone, and then I'll stop myself, look around and think what can I do? What can I do that I would enjoy, what do I enjoy? I don't even know. hmmmm but nothing seems to come to mind. I suppose it part of the process. I feel so alone even though I have good friends in my life. I mean alone,, feeling like no one understands the pain of this. Feeling depressed, like why go on, life seems to have no meaning, just goin through the motions. I try to read, but the words mean nothing, I try to write but nothing comes out, I try to shop, but nothing seems worth buying...i feel empty and dead inside. help........i wish i could find some purpose...some meaning for me being here. i dont know just had to vent.....just want to go to sleep but ive tried...and cant. It really feels like an addiction...i need my fix. but the depressing thing I KNOW for a fact it won't work. and thats what so depressing. well, anyway thanks for listening. love, serenity777