RavenSparkles

Thank you. Me too, I go back to work tomorrow but Monday is when all the big chiefs are in, so we shall see & only hope. I am sorry if you lost your job. Whether the Job is safe or not I will not spiral down. I am done with the hangovers, the cheap thrills of being buzzed, the death feeling lingering days after, the constant need to entertain myself when reading and relaxing naturally isn't working, the dreaded feelings of looking into my wallet or my cell phone the next day, the swollen eyes from crying about something that has not be fully processed emotionally, the negative thoughts that come to surface when I am annihilated, the disappointment & guilt I feel inside from drinking, the lost years of my 20s & late teen years, I don't want to look and feel 30 years older than I really am, if I keep up with the binging I will. My body gets used to regenerating it's system & I don't drink for a week, then it's a binger and setting my body back into shock. I used to almost drink daily for 8 years, then thought "cutting back" would be healthier. Obvisoubly not. Tired of it. Been doing that cutting back thing with the binging for a year and half now.
I would tell myself early in the week I won't drink this weekend, and I did, I was worried I would drink this weekend & I did. I miss the weekends I have off of truly relaxing, watching movies, taking bubble baths ordering out nice food; there has not been many of those at all this year. Last one I had was 3 weeks ago when I had an infection not alcohol related. I enjoyed that weekend, despite being sick & actually needing off of work then. I am happy now this crappy red wine hangover is almost over, and I can start to breathe again. I'm so tired & really hope I can sleep well tonight, since we all know how great of sleep we get when we drink... Not.. I am truly grateful to come across this site today & glad I paid the .99 cents for the phone app