I am fairly new to posting on this forum and appreciate very much the support I have received since I joined.
Things have gone very bad since my most recent post "Contact with my son" I'm trying to link to it here, but not sure if I have done it correctly:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/5079257-post1.html
My AS was supposed to have court last Thurs for another VOP arraignment. His underlying sentence is 3-7 years, and he has had multiple "chances" so we know the state will be seeking to revoke his probation at this point, and he is likely facing the full sentence.
Last Weds, I had a dr's appointment and received a referral to a psychologist who I will begin seeing in January. The woman called me Thurs morning and was telling me about her own son, who just entered a 15 month rehab (unheard of around here) who takes many addicts, including those with felony charges and works with the courts and probation and parole to admit offenders in lieu of jail. She gave me the name and number of a gentleman who works directly with the court and probation and parole in our area. I called him and after telling him my son's story, he advised he could get him in asap, and also advised it was a good thing he was on probation in this county, as they have a working relationship established with our particular p&P office. I had hope........I tried to reach my son, which as always is difficult (he doesn't answer the phone 99% of the time). I then called and left his PO a detailed vm message. I also called his lawyer and mentioned the option to her. I knew he had court scheduled that day, so if I couldn't reach him, I wanted his PO and the lawyer to have the information for him when he came to court at 1:00.
well, my "hope" was short-lived, when his PO returned my call and advised me that he had missed a court date the week before and a warrant has been issued for his arrest. She told me that if he did show up that day, they were going to hold him without bail, and she fully expected he would not be appearing again. I was surprised, as he has never missed a court date before, even when he felt his probation was going to be revoked.
So, as you can likely figure out, he also did not appear in court on Thurs. He currently has an active warrant. I asked his PO why they don't go pick him up at the apartment, she said she didn't know why.......that a State Police officer had asked her where he lived the week before when he missed his court date, but then never followed up. She said they will probably just "wait until they see him on the street somewhere and pick him up then".
So......both my DH and I sent him lengthy messages that evening. Told him the normal things you would expect (this is not going to go away, its no way to live, etc...) and suggested he call the gentleman at the rehab center to see if somehow he can negotiate a surrender for some type of plea deal which would put him in this rehab for 15 months with the understanding if he didn't complete, they would be revoking his probation. I also told him I love him and am afraid he is going to die....My DH told him much of the same. I also told him that he is not going to ever have any type of a normal life for his daughter and is family while he continues to avoid the warrant/charges/underlying sentence.
We both rec'd responses that evening. He of course is downplaying his drug use, and telling us that it is "not as bad as we think" and he is only using enough not to be sick. (denial, we know...) He told me he is freaked out and scared and that he knows he is going to jail for his 3-7 and that he can't face it and doesn't know what to do.
This is pure torture right now for me. I know there is nothing more I can do. I know I wish they would go get him and pick him up and bring him to jail. At least THEN I wouldn't worry so much about him as I am right now....
I told my DH that I just want to skip Xmas this year. I don't want any part of it. I shopped for my GD and a nephew already, but aside from that, I just don't want to acknowledge the holiday in any way. He disagrees........I just want xmas to be over..........
my heart is breaking right now.... I feel like it is all I can do to function/go to work/do the daily household things I need to do....Xmas just seems to be too much for me to deal with this year............