Hi and welcome.
Good advice above and unfortunately they are experienced by us here or at meeting.
Alcohol is called powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious for good reason.
I first needed to get honest with myself about my drinking AND accept the fact that I can not drink alcohol in safety.
Then comes the work to STAY sober one day at a time in a row. That we learn here reading posts and at meetings where other alcoholics understand us because everyone has had a first day sober.
In the beginning things get tough but very doable and we get hope each day after which it does get much easier each day we don’t drink.
BE WELL