Well its day 3 of my boyfriends detox. Today has been the worst day. He is in a lot of pain and just feels bad physically, mentally and emotionally.
He ended up drinking just to help with the pain which didn't work for long so he ended up getting some methadone. He took 2 doses ( he injected it) and he seemed a lot better for a while.
That lasted about an hour and then he seemed worse. He started to drink again and got drunk basically.
He wanted to go back out and use and I told him if he did he wasn't allowed to come home. I told him he cant just go out and let me wonder if hes ok and when/if hes gonna come back. He said fine but he didn't go.
He laid down for a bit and then woke up and wanted more methadone but I told him I think he was taking to much of it at once and he had to give it time and he needed to try to relax. He talked about leaving again to go use, he said he couldn't handle this and he felt so bad. He started to get dressed but I wouldn't let him. I told him I will burn his clothes before I let him go and use again. I told him he can use tonight but hes just gonna have to go through this all over again and this feeling is never gonna go away. he said he didn't care and then I just gave him the facts so I told him he has 2 choices he can get either get through or keep using and hes going to die. He seemed to hear me because he didn't mention 'going out' (as he calls it ) again.
I told him I don't know what hes going through but I am here for him. I told him I know he doesn't want to be like this and hes scared because he doesn't think he can make it through this but I know he can.
He wanted to go to the store for more alcohol so I said I would go with him, he said ok but then changed his mind and ended up falling asleep. I am wondering if he wanted to go and use or he was just so out of it he realized he could barely sit up straight let alone walk. Hes sleeping now and he seems comfortable, not crying in his sleep from feeling like crap and hes not tossing and turning either.
I am so happy he decided not to go and use and that he didn't want to drink anymore- I don't think the alcohol is good for his mental status and all its doing is delaying him from feeling what he eventually needs to feel. I was shocked the methadone didn't last that long but I don't know the mg he took .
Lessons I learned today:
I realize now how bad he is detoxing. The last two times he relapsed he was sick but never mentioned using again. I am scared for him this time. Seeing how sick he is and how scared he is really got to me tonight.
I know I can wake up tomorrow and he can be gone. I stopped him for now but I cant stay awake and be with him 24/7. If he really wants to use again theres nothing I can do. the only thing that I can say is that he doesn't have any money right now to get anywhere or to buy any drugs and if he really wants to get better he will stay here.
Just because he felt better for an hour does not mean this is over. It was nice to have the boyfriend that I know and love back but the other side of him ( the drug side) is still fighting to win this battle.
I would say tomorrow is another day but he could wake up any minute so im taking this hour by hour right now.